Thursday, 22 November 2018

How To Make Money On The Sock Exchange, by Otto Fishblanket

How to make money on the sock exchange by Otto Fishblanket

This is my guide to making money on the Sock Exchange. 
Warning: Socks may go up or down, or you may lose your socks completely.

  • Do your research. It is no good buying socks willy nilly. You may have read about the sock exchange and thought that sounds like an easy way to make money, but believe me when I say it is no easy route to riches. Just ask Mrs Fishblanket.
  • The first thing you need to do is buy some socks. the good thing about socks is that as well as being an investment you can wear them on your feet.
  • Penny socks - a word of warning. People may tell you (Augustus Cheeselamp in particular may tell you - but more on him later) that this is the way to make your millions. But penny socks are penny socks for a reason. You will be very lucky if socks you bought for a penny ever increased in value.
  • Don’t buy smelly socks. You will struggle to make any money on smelly socks. People generally avoid smelly socks, and if you wear smelly socks, people will avoid you, too.
  • Don’t buy socks with holes in them, unless you are very good at darning. If you are very good at darning (and I mean very good) you may be able to make a modest return on your investment.
  • Do buy stripey socks. Everyone likes stripey socks.
  • Do buy socks when they are cheap and sell them when they are expensive.
  • Don’t listen to Augustus Cheeselamp. He will tell you to buy his socks (without telling you he has a sock factory at the bottom of his garden). The socks he will sell you will be shoddy and smell of cabbages.
  • Do buy my ebook, “How To Make Money On The Sock Exchange Without Leaving The Comfort Of Your Bathtub”, only $249, or buy my ten week ecourse, “How To Make Money On The Sock Exchange Without Leaving The Comfort Of Your Bathtub”, only $999.42.
  • There, I think I have covered everything you need to make money on the sock exchange. You will soon be a millionaire, and all thanks to me.

picture of text reading how to make money on the sock exchange

Wednesday, 14 November 2018

Spot the Duck - Kindle Rhyming Picture Book for Kids


Will you be able to spot the duck?
He isn't where you think he is!
A silly rhyming picture book with a surprise ending!

Chuck's lost his duck.
Chuck's duck's called Spot.
He's very tame.
If you see him, shout his name!

Pictures of a man with a duck on his head from the kindle picture book for kids

Pictures of a man looking for his pet duck
Available only as a kindle ebook at the moment.
Hope to have a print version available soon!

Don't have a kindle?
It doesn't matter - you can read kindle books on many devices using the FREE Kindle Reading App:

Tuesday, 13 November 2018

Jake Bakes Cakes - A Rhyming Picture Book about a Cake Maker

Jake Bakes Cakes!
A silly rhyming picture book,
available on Amazon as a kindle ebook
or a 10" x 8" paperback.
What kind of cakes does Jake bake?
He bakes upside-down cakes for acrobats, 
And pumpkin cakes for witches and their cats.
He bakes banana cakes for monkey in the tree,
And fish cakes for fishes in the sea . . .

(Click on the images to see the book on Amazon)
Or click HERE !

A chef holds a mixing bowl ready to bake cakes

Picture of a monkey eating banana cake, and fishes and octopus eating fish cakes

Monday, 12 November 2018

DON'T FORGET PIDDLES! One of my favorite Books by Otto Fishblanket!


The inspiring tale of an incontinent penguin, and how he found fame and success against all odds.

Illustrated extracts from a funny book about an incontinent penguin

Get this much loved classic of children's literature
by clicking below:

Friday, 2 November 2018

Doctor Kangaroo is now available in paperback!

Doctor Kangaroo is available in paperback today!
Get it HERE !
zebra,parrot and crocodile in bed being administered to by dr kangaroo

Zebra's got a cough!
All his stripes have fallen off!
What are we going to do?
 Call for Doctor Kangaroo!

Monday, 29 October 2018

It's that time of year again! Get your filthy mitts on Stinky Santa!

Jingle bells, Santa smells - 
He smells of mouldy cheese.
He doesn't wear any trousers
So you can see his knees.

Stinky Santa, written by renowned celebrity chef impersonator Otto Fishblanket, is a very disrespectful rhyming book about Santa Claus being smelly. It is illustrated by childen's book illustrator and part-time van driver Gerald Hawksley.
If you are looking for a Christmas book for children, particularly a Christmas book that rhymes and has pictures, and is about a smelly Santa, then you are in luck.
(Any similarity to any real Santa is purely coincidental)

* Now includes Surprise Grotty Gift!*
Cover illustration of stinky santa being stinky
Get it on Amazon.com HERE!
Or if you reside in the United Kingdom get it HERE instead!
Hurry up, or you won't get it in time to delight your grubby little creatures this Christmastide.

Sunday, 28 October 2018

Crumphorn's Patent Ghost Transporter

illustration of a novel method of transporting ghosts
Crumphorn's Ghost-Transporter
Moving haunted-house?
Visiting the Witch Doctor?
It's as easy as A-B
with Crumphorn's Patent
Ghost Transporter!

Crumphorn's of Whitminster
Purveyors of Ghost Accessories since 1594