Thursday, 7 April 2016

Spot the free ebook! SPOT THE DUCK IS FREE, TOO! Another springtastic offer!!

Yes, grab a free Spot the Duck children's ebook!
Available from April 6th to April 10th.

CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR FREE SPOT THE DUCK
KINDLE EBOOK FROM AMAZON.COM



CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR FREE SPOT THE DUCK
KINDLE EBOOK FROM AMAZON.CO.UK

Can YOU spot the duck?

Saturday, 12 March 2016

Ten Incredible Weight Loss Tips Number 1

Hello again!
Otto Fishblanket here!
Don't worry, I haven't been idle. I have been beavering away trying to get my new book, Otto Fishblanket's I Can Make You Slime: Ten Unbelievable Weight Loss Tips for a Slimer You ready for publication. I haven't been helped by my recalcitrant fool of an illustrator, who is a complete nincompoop.
And to make matters worse, to make ends meet, I have been having to work nightshifts at the Dunstable Cabbage Steaming Factory (No doubt you have heard of the famous Dunstable Steamed Cabbage (made famous by the reality TV series Celebrity Cabbage Attack)).
I am exhausted, I smell of cabbage, and I have no teeth.
But enough of me - here, I present to you Tip Number One from my sliming book.
(Sponsored by Fishblanket's Sliming Pills. Be Slime. Be Happy.)

Eat smaller animals
Slimming Tip Number One
Sliming Tip Number One
Eat Smaller Animals
Perhaps, instead of eating a horse for breakfast, try eating a small bug instead. (This obviously doesn't apply to vegetarians, who should eat smaller vegetables.)


Wednesday, 9 March 2016

I can make you slime!

Hello! Otto Fishblanket here!

As you have doubtless heard I am soon to publish a new book, all about how to make yourself slimer.
It is taking a while, as I have to write it all out in longhand because I can't afford a typewriter. I have fallen on hard times and am living in reduced circumstances above a Tooth Shop in Dunstable.

This is very difficult for me as I cannot afford teeth.
Would the Tooth Shop miss a few teeth if I were to sneak down and help myself in the night?
I made my dying mother a promise on her death bed.
"Son," she said, "Promise me this one thing. If you ever, God forbid, find yourself in reduced circumstances, never, ever, stoop so low as to steal teeth."
And I promised.
Even though she had a lovely set of gnashers in a glass on her death bedside table, that she would shortly have no use for.

I am poor, but happy, because soon I won't be poor because of my new book, Ten Tips To Make You Slimer, all about losing weight. A slime person is a happy person, and I can make you slime.
I have also invented some sliming pills, which I will sell from my Internet Shop, just as soon as I have sold enough copies of my book to buy a typewriter so I can get the internet.

Here's looking forward to a slimer you!

(Sponsored by Fishblanket's Sliming Pills)

Ten Tips For Losing Weight by Otto Fishblanket

An amazing new book by Otto Fishblanket is going to be available soon!
It is called Ten Incredible Tips on How to Lose Weight, and it is all about how you can lose weight using these ten unbelievable tips! Tip number six you just won't believe!
It is packed with case studies of people who have lost lots of weight using these tips.
This book is so incredible you just won't believe it.
Otto Fishblanket doesn't believe it - and he wrote it!

Look out Otto Fishblanket's Amazing Ten Tips For Losing Weight Weightloss Book, with Amazing Case studies, coming soon!