Monday, 29 October 2018

It's that time of year again! Get your filthy mitts on Stinky Santa!

Jingle bells, Santa smells - 
He smells of mouldy cheese.
He doesn't wear any trousers
So you can see his knees.

Stinky Santa, written by renowned celebrity chef impersonator Otto Fishblanket, is a very disrespectful rhyming book about Santa Claus being smelly. It is illustrated by childen's book illustrator and part-time van driver Gerald Hawksley.
If you are looking for a Christmas book for children, particularly a Christmas book that rhymes and has pictures, and is about a smelly Santa, then you are in luck.
(Any similarity to any real Santa is purely coincidental)

* Now includes Surprise Grotty Gift!*
Cover illustration of stinky santa being stinky
Get it on Amazon.com HERE!
Or if you reside in the United Kingdom get it HERE instead!
Hurry up, or you won't get it in time to delight your grubby little creatures this Christmastide.

Sunday, 28 October 2018

Crumphorn's Patent Ghost Transporter

illustration of a novel method of transporting ghosts
Crumphorn's Ghost-Transporter
Moving haunted-house?
Visiting the Witch Doctor?
It's as easy as A-B
with Crumphorn's Patent
Ghost Transporter!

Crumphorn's of Whitminster
Purveyors of Ghost Accessories since 1594

Saturday, 27 October 2018

Dancing Unicorns, Silly Rhyming Picture Poem

Unicorns are beautiful
Unicorns are wise
They love to dance
In their underpants
Beneath the starry skies

An instant download  for you to print at home

A picture of unicorns dancing in their underpants beneath the stars

Available from my ETSY SHOP

Wednesday, 24 October 2018

Mostly Ghostly Halloween Freebie (allegedly)

Speaking of which, this is supposed to be FREE today and the next two days:

But does not seem to be free on amazon.com, only amazon.co.uk, don't know why. Perhaps it will be free tomorrow? Who knows? I've kind of given up with amazon

Tuesday, 16 October 2018

This Picture is Haunted! Printable Halloween Art

Now you can download your own very haunted picture to print out and keep! 
Get it HERE!

Illustration of a ghost haunting someone in a picture

A perfect Halloween gift!

Sunday, 14 October 2018

Happy Hats for Happy Horses - Printable Art for you to download

A digital download for you to purchase (£2.99 + vat) and print at home, or at a print shop. You get a high resolution jpeg in four different sizes: 8 x 10 inches, 11 x 14 inches, A4 and A3.

Download HERE

Picture of happy horse with hat on, and text, happy hats for happy horses

Detail of instant download print

I am trying alternatives to Etsy now, as I can't seem to get any visitors there anymore!
(First Amazon, and now Etsy have made me invisible!)
Mind you, I don't think this blog is visited much either!

Saturday, 13 October 2018

Printable Print - Twinkle, twinkle, little bat, instant download nursery print!

I have now started selling printable prints in my ETSY SHOP. They are available for instant download for you to print at home, or at a print shop. You get a high res jpeg in four different sizes: 8 x 10 inches, 11 x 14 inches, A4 and A3.

Download it HERE

Illustration with text of the poem twinkle twinkle little bat

Twinkle, twinkle,
Little bat!
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.

The poem, is of course, a parody of Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
recited by the Mad Hatter in Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland

As you may have realised I haven't come up with any new children's books for the kindle in a while. This is because they really aren't selling any more. I now and again give them away free via Bookbub - so do check there, and i will try to remember to announce on here when I have free offers coming up.