Wednesday, 9 March 2016

I can make you slime!

Hello! Otto Fishblanket here!

As you have doubtless heard I am soon to publish a new book, all about how to make yourself slimer.
It is taking a while, as I have to write it all out in longhand because I can't afford a typewriter. I have fallen on hard times and am living in reduced circumstances above a Tooth Shop in Dunstable.

This is very difficult for me as I cannot afford teeth.
Would the Tooth Shop miss a few teeth if I were to sneak down and help myself in the night?
I made my dying mother a promise on her death bed.
"Son," she said, "Promise me this one thing. If you ever, God forbid, find yourself in reduced circumstances, never, ever, stoop so low as to steal teeth."
And I promised.
Even though she had a lovely set of gnashers in a glass on her death bedside table, that she would shortly have no use for.

I am poor, but happy, because soon I won't be poor because of my new book, Ten Tips To Make You Slimer, all about losing weight. A slime person is a happy person, and I can make you slime.
I have also invented some sliming pills, which I will sell from my Internet Shop, just as soon as I have sold enough copies of my book to buy a typewriter so I can get the internet.

Here's looking forward to a slimer you!

(Sponsored by Fishblanket's Sliming Pills)

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