Friday, 30 November 2012

Free Christmas ebook for kids!

Hello, Fishblanket again!
I've got my book published! I am an author!

And what is more it is free on December 1st and 2nd! Thereafter it is only 99 cents!

I am so proud of myself for writing it, even though it hasn't got many words and the pictures are rubbish.

I might write another book soon with more words and some decent pictures.

Here is the cover. If you click on it it will take you to the product page on Amazon.


Cover illustration for christmas ebook by Otto fishblanket


CLICK HERE TO VIEW ON AMAZON.COM
CLICK HERE TO VIEW ON AMAZON.CO.UK

I'M NOT PAYING GERALD HAWKSLEY FOR HIS RUBBISH ILLUSTRATIONS

Well, it looks like Mr Hawksley escaped from the castle basement, where he has been banished to by Amazon, and sneaked in here and put the prices up again. Deluded fool!

But he has been doing illustrations for my new Christmas ebook.
I instructed him to try and do pictures that are like the old engravings you see in classic Christmas books (like in those old books by that chap Dickens).
As you can see, he failed miserably.

I am, of course, refusing to pay him. Not that I could afford to, anyway, as I am only charging 99 cents for my books.

I'll put up a link for my new Christmas ebook when Amazon get round to putting it on their site. Don't hold your breath, though, as they seem to be preoccupied with More Important Things.

Here is one of the illustrations:

Christmas reindeer eating pickled eggs
Reindeer on Santa's couch eating pickled eggs

Regards,
OTTO FISHBLANKET

(By the way, if any of you good folk are considering Christmas purchases from Amazon.com, if you do so via the Amazon links on this blog a small percentage of the purchase price will go to Mr Hawksley, at no cost to you. There is no incentive for you to do this.)

Friday, 23 November 2012

Otto Fishblanket's Summer Sale

Hello, all!
Otto Fishblanket here! I am running the show from now on. Gerald Hawksley has gone for a little, ahem, break. Don't expect him back anytime soon.

First off, I am having a summer sale of Mr Hawksley's ebooks. I am in the process of reducing them all to 99 cents. As no-one is buying his pathetic rubbish any way I don't expect this to make much difference.

Into the bargain bin they go.

I am going to publish my own ebook, and it will be better than his and only cost 99 cents to start with. I have to get him to illustrate it, though, unfortunately, as I cannot afford a proper illustrator.

Goodness knows what rubbish he will come up with.

By the way, if any of you good folk are considering Christmas purchases from Amazon.com, if you do so via the Amazon links on this blog a small percentage of the purchase price will go to Mr Hawksley, at no cost to you. There is no incentive for you to do this.

He is a decent enough chap, really. He just doesn't apparently have any semblance of a grip on reality.


Thursday, 22 November 2012

Well that seemed to do the trick! Or did it?

Things get odder and odder.
I thought I would head over to Author Central and check out my author rank, just to depress myself further. Oh, how cruel they are! This is what I saw:


Considering I have sold about three books today I am beginning to think either I am going insane, or amazon is.
Perhaps we both are.
Perhaps it's the Fishblanket effect.

Update: It was mocking me after all. I checked again and the graph has reverted back to it's normal sad downward trajectory.
Over to you, Fishblanket.

Handing over the reins to Fishblanket

It seems amazon.com has removed half of my kindle books from the categories they were put in and dumped them category-less in the cold wasteland of general kindle books. The rest of my kindle books have practically stopped selling now, any way.

I am putting Jake Bakes Cakes out for free tomorrow and Saturday. I've really no idea why, as my Happy Hat Day book was stripped of it's categories on the last day of it's free promotion, therefore rendering the promotion a complete waste of time.

So here is my plan of action:
I am going to halt progress on my new titles and hand over the reins to Otto Fishblanket, and see if he can do any better. He is quite keen, and says he has an idea for a Christmas ebook. Well, he'll have to get a move on, especially as he wants me to illustrate it, and I am very slow (even more so now as we can't afford to put the heating on).

Oh, and says he will price it at 99 cents, and perhaps if I reduced my prices to a sensible price like that I might actually sell some books.

I don't know how proper publishers make any money, I really don't.

Anyway, I am off to https://www.gov.uk/jobs-jobsearch now.

Toodle-pip

Saturday, 10 November 2012

Happy Hat Day - free ebook

Hello everyone!
Happy Hat Day will be free on Amazon from Monday for five days!
(Hopefully note of desperation not too apparent.)
Hoorah!
I am working on more children's rhyming picture books for the kindle, and hope to have more titles available soon!
Thank you to everyone who has bought my books. It has been a great year, but I don't know what next year will bring.

There has been a lot of talk about diminishing sales on Amazon, and whether it is a glitch, or even whether the ebook boom is coming to an end. I know my expectations have somewhat diminished, and it doesn't look, at the moment, as if I can make more than a part-time income out of this.

But I will keep making my odd little ebooks for the time being and hopefully enough of you will keep buying them to keep my cake cupboard stocked. And that's amazing enough! Who would have thought my scribblings would keep me supplied with cake for the whole year! Bonkers!